Last night someone ask me, "You and him last time seems to be in good terms. He only beat you once right?". I just shook my head. I really dun want to think about it. The life that I lived in the past was like shit, being treated like I'm not someone child too.
Whenever I think of the fear, the anger, the disappointment, the betrayal and the abuse, I think I'm really stupid, a damn stupid woman. So stupid that I cant actuali different what is good and what is bad... Of course, if i can turn back time. I willing to give anything to go back the time when I never met him.
To make things worse, I have failed my children. I gave them a horrible family. A hirrble father. I also cant understand just what I see in him. I admitted I was young and naive that time and never think of the outcome. I should have know all this will come. All my fault. What I don't want to end up like my parents, should have leave him years ago. F**king angry with myself.
Now I have think throughly. I have think carefully about my kids and my future and I really hope he can just leave us alone. Since he never take care and care about us, then why still being so childish and create more trouble? Be like a real grown up, just let go since there are no more feelings in us. Don't make the kids suffer because of his childish way.
I really want to end all in a peaceful way.
Life is just so damn suay to have met him...
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