Myself

To other people, they see as me a strong woman who can raise 3 kids all by myself. Everyone thinks that Im strong and tough. Well, Im not.
Im oso just a human who oso will break down sometimes. I will oso feel scared and worry and hoping for a shoulder to rely on sometimes. I oso will feel like giving up because of the stress sometimes.

I hate people thinks I can handle everything myself just because I never say anything. I hate people thinks Im ok with everything. I hate people climb on to my head just because I kept quiet. I hate people thinks Im nice just because I always agree with anything.

To put it simple...
I hate myself for being weak and soft ear.

I should have being more hard hearted, more cruel, more wise.

Well, Im just stupid. I just always dont admit it myself.

Sometimes I really feel lost and hoping a guide. But I soon realized that there are just something I cant rely on other people and must find solutions myself.

I envy those who really knows how to think. Haha..
Although envy is not a good solution.

Keep wondering, when will tis kind of life end? When I can finally free from all the problem?
There will never be an answer if I dont find solution MYSELF...

Hating those who cause me to become now is useless. Might as well use that brain o think what I can really do...

So what can I do...??